what a week...

it has been a week i would like to never repeat, and wish i could forget most of it as well.
if you know me, you know i don't give many people chances, and i do not forget/let go of anything.
so this week will be a hard one to get over but im sure i will.
it started with one of the most important people to me not being the best he could be, causing a lot of pain to me and more importantly disappointing me by not being there when i needed him.
then you added in 3 teachers being bit, a nap only one day, 2 nap times with no less than 40 minutes of crying, being told this is not the career for me, there will alwasy be kids this aweful and this may.
and that was just the tip of the ice burg that led to some aweful nights and a VERY unbelievably long week.
it also led me to thoughts of my life and realizing how much i miss some friends that i never really thought i would miss, so i want to find some ways to see them more and have some fun and let off some steam and lose some sleep. also, missing some amazing kids and their parents a lot because they were so beyond so many of the kids i have now and yet they were younger, and with everything going so poorly just wondering if i should have gone with them,or at least continued on the nanny path...i still miss the nanny life a lot but i think this is a better place for me to be longterm. i still really want to be inoregon for so many reasons...but again, long term this is better.
however, after many tears, a great deal of anger, and a lot of time thinking....i think school has been fixed after a long chat with the director, i think things are okay with the one important to me, i think i have some fun things to do with friends im missing, and that only leaves orgeon, which will alwasy been a dream vacation, maybe it will happen soon.but unlikely as it is, at least i can keep in touch and watch some videos and dream of a vacation if time and money ever permit in the near future.

school

this is Vinnie...he is my new little buddy at school. While Ihave plenty of other kids that are super cute, or that I just happen to have a huge soft spot for....I have to say, Vinnie is my favorite. He came just for the summer or that was the plan, but thankfully his parents have decided that he is going to stay. I am so excited. He is just an awesome little guy and he always comes up to say hi and make me smile after a kid has issues.
the rest of the class is going well also, and this picture is from one of the many fun things we have done iwth them. we love shaving cream and water , so we like to combine them and save ourselves a little bit of work by letting the kids clean the chairs.

these are my little monsters. I found a picture of them online and I thought they were adorable. They sadly did not come out as well as I would have liked but they are still very very cute.

we are doing a literature based curriculum this year at school and each teacher gets one book per month to write the lesson plan on. One of my books was "there was an old monster" so in my hunt for fun things to do I found these guys and I thought they would be very fun to play with.

so much else going on, with friends, adam, school, my school, the house, family and just fun fun fun but that is all for now.

its good to be loved

lately I have been getting a lot of special treatment....
cable...for free
a ride home after dropping my car off
an afternoon full of manual labor relocating rocks
and a yummy and very special dinner

Guess who made me chicken and BLUE potatoes?

yes they really were blue, they looked to me liek homemade playdough but they were mighty tasty.

and here are how the rocks got moved....well maybe only one load was moved this way but i love the guys who did the rock moving because all on their own they brought the toy dump trucks outside and put them in place "moving" the rocks.

life...work...life

things have been so incredibly amazing lately...
there has been so much going on, soem good some bad some just stuff.

I finally started the job of my dreams and while there have been bad days, long days, hard days, and amazingly great days...it is AMAZING. there have been bites, bumps on heads, tears, talking back for sure. but there has also been an incredibly happy to see my kid every day after nap, a hug from half my class at least every morning i get to work, me being the special person in one kids life ( he and I have something and it makes everyone pretty happy), learning new things to do with kids, planning a whole day by myself with kids and it going amazing, watching them progress even in just a month, and taking some cute pictures of some of the fun we have had it has simply been incredible.
then there has been some time with family. holidays, gifts, gatherings where everyone actually showed up. finding out a younger cousin was pregnant, a grandma fracturing her foot, a grandpa in and out of the hospital with a stroke and many other issues, a brother who is simply put him and yet making some little progress in growing up, some time with an older cousin doing long awaited plans, time catching up drinking beer and somehow not playing pool. it has been good, learning about family and keeping up with the ones im closest to.
then there's friends. they kinda go hand in hand with family to me but still there is just something different there that I have a hard time accepting...they all really do want me to be around and enjoy me for me and I have a HARD time realizing that. but we have had fun, meeting new puppies, seeing new rental houses, my first game of beer pong, some texts to make some random plans, going ot rodeos, simply talking to people has just been amazing. things with a special someone have been rocky and yet great at the same time, I still have my issues but this weekend was super special and awesome to me in its own way of simple communication.
I have to say life has been a lot of emotions lately but its been incredible for me to watch it all come together....house, job, friends, family, puppy, goals, dreams,....it has all simply been INCREDIBLE!!
I can't wait to see what is to come.

a new job...

Jared
Marcus
Dylan
Cade
Akosa
Ava
Alyssa
Taryn
Gabs
Simon
Kenya
Keira

then the new kids
Justin
Caleb
Isela
Emma
Adrian
Dylan

this is my new class. and my new job. Unfortunately I only have one picture of one kid so far, but in the new few weeks i will be taking more pictures hpoefully because A few kids will be moving up soon.
Well, its been a bit of learning, and a lot of fun, and a lot of learning names and personalities etv.
I have definately loved every minute at this new school of mine. i have had 2 days of being the only teacher in the room, and many afternoons of being the only teacher in the room and starting this summer I will always be the only one. It has been fun, the director said the one day I planned on my own she was impressed. It has been great, I seem to be able to keep the kids engaged and listening etc.
This summer we are planning a mad science summer so that should be very fun. I am excited to see how it turns out, and then next year we are going to be a little more structured with themes based on books and such. I am excited about that because it will be fun to have a little mroe struture than what we have currently, because currently nothing needs to be planned so its way to easy to slack off, and it seems that many people do.
I really enjoy the kids although I do have my favorites....they would be Jared, Alyssa and Cade. I also have the ones that are hard, Dylan( who is impossible for everyone and thankfully only has 2 days left at this school), Marcus who is just becoming a butt for everyone lately, and then Adrian who is my little friend/nightmare/project all at the same time. He had a very rough start and I have a soft spot for him and he seems to really like me and go to me for things so Im hoping him and i can figure tihngs out together, so far his mom is happy, with me he has napped, and pooped on the potty which never happened with the other school he was at. so we will see how much he improves.
Overall I have to say that minus my other teacher being a negative nancy I love the kids, I love the activities, and I love the job. Its definately amazing and I think it will only get better.

Disneyland

so last year I took Rylan to disneyland for the last time before she turned 3. It was a very fun and special day. So this year, before my pass expired I wanted to take Cade. So we planned a day just in time and off we went....it was a very special and fun day.....the pictures are in backwards order....so we ended the day with a scoop of choclate ice cream (his choice) and he defiantely enjoyed it and the ice cream you see if all the mess he made which I thought was pretty good for how much fun he was having eat it....
We also rode Autopia, which sadly was not his first ride but it was still pretty fun. I let him steer because its what I do. It was abumpy ride but the bumpy part was his favorite part. He seemed to enjoy it, and told me as the day went on that he wanted to drive. because thats what we called the ride, autopia is so boring but driving sounds like so much fun.

see I told you he was enjoying driving. and i really didnt' touch the wheel until we were at the end of the ride but I did hold onto him because the "seatbelt" on the ride is not the best.

This was the first ride of the day, and he seems to already be pretty happy with life and we are only on the carosel.

It was a very fun special day, there was not a single tear, only one whiney word (Mickey). and a lot of smiles and laughs. We even ended the day playing with Lucas which both boys seemed to enjoy a lot.

SPRING

i know i know...me saying something like this is not normal for me but none the less, i tried to make my house a little prettier than just dirt and tiny rocks....so i now that it is spring i planted some flowers ..and surprisingly they are growing....see below... okay so its only a few tiny leaves but its a start, they started as teenie tinnie seeds from the dollar section at target so i was surprised i got anything...hopefullywhen i get back frm the race there will be color...

then I went to bring in the trash cans this afternoon and to my surprise my front yard had some color too...

It may be pink but I really like them...and on the plus side i didnt have to do anything. they just appeared. there is still plenty of dirt around them but it is better than nothing...

trust me, there is still plenty to do in the front and back yards but it is a start, no matter how small it is.

i tried to get mac to pose in a picture with the pots in the backyard but when we tried the dog behind us came out and lets just say that was way more exciting to her than sitting still for a picture....

a hard few weeks...

the last few weeks have been hard.
somehow lost my amazing but boring job in a not very thoughtful way.
got offered a full time preschool position and was excited,
but then got unoffered that job, and changed to an on call person, but then somehow lost that as well and now they won't hire me in the future....I have no clue what led from a full time job offer to them never wanting to hire me again....wish i did.
then my grandpa is in the hospital for a week, and going to a rehab facility, my parents went to nevada because they were told some horrible things about his house, which turned out not to be true.
then my phone broke once, so i got a replacement and now that one is dead a week later....
but really....i got a very fun and relaxing day with my brother...and had a good talk with adam finally and school is getting closer to be over ....
so minus the occasional stress over work which comes and goes...
im good. and i like that it works that way.

the house is coming along....

so over the past month my parents have come out twice and have helped with some little projects that have made the house looked much more cozy and its really comnig together in my opinion..at least some rooms are...

here we have mac looking for her friend next door. for whatever reason the past week the dog has been able to get right up to this wall and they both put their front feet up on the wall and lick each other and run back and forth its really very cute, and its a plus for me because it means mac is capable of being nice to other dogs which is not very evident on our walks. its really cute, sad i missed them both up there nose to nose but ill keep trying.

here's the craft/office/whatever room. with the desk my dad built for me and the printer my grandpa so generously got for me ( its a good thing my family loves me so much). then i added some storage stuff and personal pictures...ive had that bulletin board up in my room for many years and while it changes every few years i love having it up with all kinds of random memories and inspirations for me.

then we have the wall between the living room and pool table room. it was always a mystery to me what i would do with it, and then i put the shelf there just to get it out of the way one day and i loved it and then i saw the squares that came in a few choices and it was perfect, love the checkeredness of it and i think it looks good, the pictures need some designer adjusting but i like the overall idea.

then there's the wonderful "black and red" living room ive always wanted...it may have ended up with a brown couch but i believe it works. ive got lots of black and lots of red even if none of the reds are the same, im told it all works even though some days im not so sure, i love the overall idea. are you noticing a trend...it may not be perfect but i like the ideas that are coming together....wonderful red curtains, the perfect free window seat that has gerat toy storage for the kids that come over right there.

yes yes yes...its really coming together...still need some other rooms to make progress and at some point there will be a lot of painting ...but im happy for now...and it would seem i have quite the new journey ahead of me with me starting work in a preschool in a few weeks so im glad that the house is at least situated.

what do you do

when everything is perfect but even scrimping there wont be enough money?
its amazing...
ive been looking for years for this oppurtunity.
Its a great school with a lot of room for advancment and not to far from home.
its the position ive always wanted to start in
its full time
the style of the school is similar to mine
the people there all seem really great and like they love what they do

but it would mean leaving a job that really cant be beat
a job that the pay is truely insane
that i like the family
that the hours are super flexbile
i get tons of free time to get to know people, to volunteer to settle into my house,
to deal with my puppy that needs some extra time to adjust.

but the bottom line is...
even with scrimping and no saving
Im $10 a month short.

While $10 isnt much its short of the ABSOLUTE minimum i need to live.

so without finding a way to make money from home...
I feel like i just can't accept my dream job....

self motivation...

i have none of it...
some people will tell you i do.
but I truely have none..
I do what has to be done, and what other people want done..
but when it comes to just doing something because I want to or just because..
there is absolutely no motivation...
I have said for years that i want to get back in shape
I have done nothing.
I was literally drug to the gym a few times, but i wont do anything...
I really do want to get back in shape, i hate not working out.
but unless I have a team to be in shape for, it just doesnt' seem possible.
I keep saying I want to put together all my lesson plans for preschool and have a curriculum ready if the day ever comes that im a teacher, but they have all been sitting there for at least 2 years and im just not motivated to do anything with them....
i only train my dog when i know there is a class that i want her to be the best in.
i really only do what is required or what other people want me to do...
so my question is....
How do I become more self motivated?

this could be dangerous...

me voluntering at an animal shelter.
Last night i went to the required orientation which seemed like a waste of time to me.
but none the less now I can show up whenver Im bored and do what needs to be done, this means greeting people as they come in, cleaning cages, palying with the dogs, doing office filing/copying ect. anything that needs to be done. and apparently there is a good chance of being hired after becoming a good volunteer.
The dangerous part however is me playing with all these amazing dogs and puppies that need a home. I tend to get attached...but I am trying to wait until Mac is at least one year old. so hopefully I can stick to that..
but i also have this list of reasons in my head of why one dog is plenty...at least for now.
in the future when we have our ranch i will probably have more than one dog...but they will be trained dogs that have acres to run on and are outside most of the time and and and...
so for now....having one dog means a walk every day, lots of play time, lots of eating, lots of work training her to not jump, be nice to other dogs, to listen, to come, to stay ect...and more importantly it means she comes with me to races once a month...which if there were 2 dogs would be very interesting....races are kinda hard with one dog right now seeing as how we have no motor home or anything like that...so for now one dog.
and keeping me from adopting more dogs from the shelter...but hopefully still enjoying helping out there, playing with dogs, learning some things, and meeting some new people out this way....

what comes from bordem...

so...i have an amazing job.

but i also make a full time salary working at most part time...

so i have a lot of free time, and i don't do sitting well...

i can sit for a while but at some point i almost literally go insane...

so ive been trying to come up with something to do with all my free time...

my house has stayed pretty clean, my dog has gotten multiple walks a day, way to much shopping has been done, a lot of time has been spent online doing pointless things, but still i was completely bored....

so i was trying to find something i could make and sell, or a place to volunteer...

since volunteering is not going well at the moment i decided to make something...then it came to me...

Dog Bandana's...

i want to make them for mac anyway and have made a few for her already and they are super simple and quick...

so while home to see my parents and go to a few church things i stopped by a huge and more importantly cheap fabric store....my mom and i dug for about 2 hours and found some good stuff.

it wasn't the greatest prints but this is a trial thing for now so i wanted cheap but still nice...

so we bought 15 different birght colored patterns and then I was going to make bandana's and list them either on amazon, or etsy, or ebay or whereever....well i looked into all those places and decided to see what happened it i just put them on craigslist...

so i posted yesturday and within a few hours i had 6 bandana's ordered...

its not much, but i figure for a few hours and the fact that criagslist isn't exactly where people are looking it was pretty good...so in the near future i will probably venture to ebay or amazon or etsy....

so for now i figure its just an adventure...but it could be a way to "volunteer" by giving my profits to an animal shelter or something like that, or if i ever need extra cash it could help with that as well...

so that is my new adventure to fill up my free time....

MAC

so how about a puppy update?
there is not near as much to tell as there should be because i am majorly slacking with the whole training and socializing and fun stuff...
but we go for walks just about every day( minus rain and working 12 hours days). and she is finally getting way better about pulling, it was hard because they say stop so the dog learns they won't get anywhere if they pull, well i stopped she came back and sat next to me, they say turn around so they see they won't get where they want to go, the problem was she didn't seem to be trying to get anywhere, except occasionally home. but now about 90% of the time there is no pulling which is amazing and should mean that if we keep it up all will be well by the time she is full grown and i won't be able to hold her if she pulled.
she has not been to training classes, but i need to suck it up and get on that....but she does know how to wait at doors and for her food, she sits, and shakes and lays down, she will leave it sometimes, and she will drop her toys so i don't have to play tug-o-war to get them and throw them. i know its way less than she should know but like i said im slacking, so i will try and get better and increase her vocabulary. she does know how to watch out when on a walk thanks to a few walks with little kids in strollers and being run into a few times( she learned very quickly what watch out meant.
she eats a ton, other people say she is getting bigger but i don't notice it. she likes people and will go up to most people that want to pet her, she jumps a lot on new people which we work on when possible. she has gone to a race, lots of petsmarts and petcos, downtown temecula, a few farmers markets, and lots and lots of car rides and walks...
overall she is still a good dog. we had a brief issue with a neighbor saying she barked all day and all night, but i bought a bark collar and it seems so far that in one day that sovled the whole problem, i still put it on her when im not home but when im home she no longer makes a peep. and she is getting better about growling and barking and all at other dogs, still a big work in progress though.
currently she is passed out on the floor by my feet, a normal occurance when im home.
i have to say minus the licking im pretty attached.

Brooke and Delaney

meet brooke and Delanhey. these are the new girls im nannying for. i can't call them kids, they take offense to that. brooke just turned 10 and delaney is 6 1/2. they are both very fun. brooke is a bit more out going but we have had a lot of fun together the last two weeks. they haven't been in school so our days have been filled with a lot of hanging out at home, playing with the 3 dogs, trips to the park, a lot of oragami, and a lot of feeding the ducks....

they both had the ducks eating out of their hands a lot....they have a lot of the ducks named and they have made numerous friends at the duck pond that keeps them occupied for a few hours multiple times a week. we stop at vons and get 88 cent loafs of bread and they go play for a few hours. its fun and simple and close and a good thing for everyone i think.

ENJOY

so I think i have decided....the word for the year is...

ENJOY

why you ask? well....
there are a lot of goals I would love to accomplish, a lot of things I would love to improve and do and and and...
but really after the last year and just knowing me and how I have been feeling for probably the last 4 months... I have one priority...

Enjoy...
I want to enjoy my new house
I want to enjoy my new puppy
I want to enjoy being closer to the man I want to marry
I want to enjoy being on my own
I want to enjoy being involved with a preschool
I want to enjoy the little everyday things
I want to enjoy school and learn things
I want to enjoy races
I want to enjoy the positive things in life

I spend to much time thinking about the bad, especially lately and a lot this past year....so for this coming year I want to be more positive...it used to be thats just life be happy and move on, but lately its not that way so this year I want to just enjoy life and help others enjoy it as well by helping everyone as often as possible. I want time spent enjoying even the little things, not worrying/stressing/complaining about the bad things.

so for this year.....ENJOY!!!!!