Disneyland

so last year I took Rylan to disneyland for the last time before she turned 3. It was a very fun and special day. So this year, before my pass expired I wanted to take Cade. So we planned a day just in time and off we went....it was a very special and fun day.....the pictures are in backwards order....so we ended the day with a scoop of choclate ice cream (his choice) and he defiantely enjoyed it and the ice cream you see if all the mess he made which I thought was pretty good for how much fun he was having eat it....
We also rode Autopia, which sadly was not his first ride but it was still pretty fun. I let him steer because its what I do. It was abumpy ride but the bumpy part was his favorite part. He seemed to enjoy it, and told me as the day went on that he wanted to drive. because thats what we called the ride, autopia is so boring but driving sounds like so much fun.

see I told you he was enjoying driving. and i really didnt' touch the wheel until we were at the end of the ride but I did hold onto him because the "seatbelt" on the ride is not the best.

This was the first ride of the day, and he seems to already be pretty happy with life and we are only on the carosel.

It was a very fun special day, there was not a single tear, only one whiney word (Mickey). and a lot of smiles and laughs. We even ended the day playing with Lucas which both boys seemed to enjoy a lot.

SPRING

i know i know...me saying something like this is not normal for me but none the less, i tried to make my house a little prettier than just dirt and tiny rocks....so i now that it is spring i planted some flowers ..and surprisingly they are growing....see below... okay so its only a few tiny leaves but its a start, they started as teenie tinnie seeds from the dollar section at target so i was surprised i got anything...hopefullywhen i get back frm the race there will be color...

then I went to bring in the trash cans this afternoon and to my surprise my front yard had some color too...

It may be pink but I really like them...and on the plus side i didnt have to do anything. they just appeared. there is still plenty of dirt around them but it is better than nothing...

trust me, there is still plenty to do in the front and back yards but it is a start, no matter how small it is.

i tried to get mac to pose in a picture with the pots in the backyard but when we tried the dog behind us came out and lets just say that was way more exciting to her than sitting still for a picture....

a hard few weeks...

the last few weeks have been hard.
somehow lost my amazing but boring job in a not very thoughtful way.
got offered a full time preschool position and was excited,
but then got unoffered that job, and changed to an on call person, but then somehow lost that as well and now they won't hire me in the future....I have no clue what led from a full time job offer to them never wanting to hire me again....wish i did.
then my grandpa is in the hospital for a week, and going to a rehab facility, my parents went to nevada because they were told some horrible things about his house, which turned out not to be true.
then my phone broke once, so i got a replacement and now that one is dead a week later....
but really....i got a very fun and relaxing day with my brother...and had a good talk with adam finally and school is getting closer to be over ....
so minus the occasional stress over work which comes and goes...
im good. and i like that it works that way.

the house is coming along....

so over the past month my parents have come out twice and have helped with some little projects that have made the house looked much more cozy and its really comnig together in my opinion..at least some rooms are...

here we have mac looking for her friend next door. for whatever reason the past week the dog has been able to get right up to this wall and they both put their front feet up on the wall and lick each other and run back and forth its really very cute, and its a plus for me because it means mac is capable of being nice to other dogs which is not very evident on our walks. its really cute, sad i missed them both up there nose to nose but ill keep trying.

here's the craft/office/whatever room. with the desk my dad built for me and the printer my grandpa so generously got for me ( its a good thing my family loves me so much). then i added some storage stuff and personal pictures...ive had that bulletin board up in my room for many years and while it changes every few years i love having it up with all kinds of random memories and inspirations for me.

then we have the wall between the living room and pool table room. it was always a mystery to me what i would do with it, and then i put the shelf there just to get it out of the way one day and i loved it and then i saw the squares that came in a few choices and it was perfect, love the checkeredness of it and i think it looks good, the pictures need some designer adjusting but i like the overall idea.

then there's the wonderful "black and red" living room ive always wanted...it may have ended up with a brown couch but i believe it works. ive got lots of black and lots of red even if none of the reds are the same, im told it all works even though some days im not so sure, i love the overall idea. are you noticing a trend...it may not be perfect but i like the ideas that are coming together....wonderful red curtains, the perfect free window seat that has gerat toy storage for the kids that come over right there.

yes yes yes...its really coming together...still need some other rooms to make progress and at some point there will be a lot of painting ...but im happy for now...and it would seem i have quite the new journey ahead of me with me starting work in a preschool in a few weeks so im glad that the house is at least situated.

what do you do

when everything is perfect but even scrimping there wont be enough money?
its amazing...
ive been looking for years for this oppurtunity.
Its a great school with a lot of room for advancment and not to far from home.
its the position ive always wanted to start in
its full time
the style of the school is similar to mine
the people there all seem really great and like they love what they do

but it would mean leaving a job that really cant be beat
a job that the pay is truely insane
that i like the family
that the hours are super flexbile
i get tons of free time to get to know people, to volunteer to settle into my house,
to deal with my puppy that needs some extra time to adjust.

but the bottom line is...
even with scrimping and no saving
Im $10 a month short.

While $10 isnt much its short of the ABSOLUTE minimum i need to live.

so without finding a way to make money from home...
I feel like i just can't accept my dream job....

self motivation...

i have none of it...
some people will tell you i do.
but I truely have none..
I do what has to be done, and what other people want done..
but when it comes to just doing something because I want to or just because..
there is absolutely no motivation...
I have said for years that i want to get back in shape
I have done nothing.
I was literally drug to the gym a few times, but i wont do anything...
I really do want to get back in shape, i hate not working out.
but unless I have a team to be in shape for, it just doesnt' seem possible.
I keep saying I want to put together all my lesson plans for preschool and have a curriculum ready if the day ever comes that im a teacher, but they have all been sitting there for at least 2 years and im just not motivated to do anything with them....
i only train my dog when i know there is a class that i want her to be the best in.
i really only do what is required or what other people want me to do...
so my question is....
How do I become more self motivated?

this could be dangerous...

me voluntering at an animal shelter.
Last night i went to the required orientation which seemed like a waste of time to me.
but none the less now I can show up whenver Im bored and do what needs to be done, this means greeting people as they come in, cleaning cages, palying with the dogs, doing office filing/copying ect. anything that needs to be done. and apparently there is a good chance of being hired after becoming a good volunteer.
The dangerous part however is me playing with all these amazing dogs and puppies that need a home. I tend to get attached...but I am trying to wait until Mac is at least one year old. so hopefully I can stick to that..
but i also have this list of reasons in my head of why one dog is plenty...at least for now.
in the future when we have our ranch i will probably have more than one dog...but they will be trained dogs that have acres to run on and are outside most of the time and and and...
so for now....having one dog means a walk every day, lots of play time, lots of eating, lots of work training her to not jump, be nice to other dogs, to listen, to come, to stay ect...and more importantly it means she comes with me to races once a month...which if there were 2 dogs would be very interesting....races are kinda hard with one dog right now seeing as how we have no motor home or anything like that...so for now one dog.
and keeping me from adopting more dogs from the shelter...but hopefully still enjoying helping out there, playing with dogs, learning some things, and meeting some new people out this way....