a hard few weeks...

the last few weeks have been hard.
somehow lost my amazing but boring job in a not very thoughtful way.
got offered a full time preschool position and was excited,
but then got unoffered that job, and changed to an on call person, but then somehow lost that as well and now they won't hire me in the future....I have no clue what led from a full time job offer to them never wanting to hire me again....wish i did.
then my grandpa is in the hospital for a week, and going to a rehab facility, my parents went to nevada because they were told some horrible things about his house, which turned out not to be true.
then my phone broke once, so i got a replacement and now that one is dead a week later....
but really....i got a very fun and relaxing day with my brother...and had a good talk with adam finally and school is getting closer to be over ....
so minus the occasional stress over work which comes and goes...
im good. and i like that it works that way.

the house is coming along....

so over the past month my parents have come out twice and have helped with some little projects that have made the house looked much more cozy and its really comnig together in my opinion..at least some rooms are...

here we have mac looking for her friend next door. for whatever reason the past week the dog has been able to get right up to this wall and they both put their front feet up on the wall and lick each other and run back and forth its really very cute, and its a plus for me because it means mac is capable of being nice to other dogs which is not very evident on our walks. its really cute, sad i missed them both up there nose to nose but ill keep trying.

here's the craft/office/whatever room. with the desk my dad built for me and the printer my grandpa so generously got for me ( its a good thing my family loves me so much). then i added some storage stuff and personal pictures...ive had that bulletin board up in my room for many years and while it changes every few years i love having it up with all kinds of random memories and inspirations for me.

then we have the wall between the living room and pool table room. it was always a mystery to me what i would do with it, and then i put the shelf there just to get it out of the way one day and i loved it and then i saw the squares that came in a few choices and it was perfect, love the checkeredness of it and i think it looks good, the pictures need some designer adjusting but i like the overall idea.

then there's the wonderful "black and red" living room ive always wanted...it may have ended up with a brown couch but i believe it works. ive got lots of black and lots of red even if none of the reds are the same, im told it all works even though some days im not so sure, i love the overall idea. are you noticing a trend...it may not be perfect but i like the ideas that are coming together....wonderful red curtains, the perfect free window seat that has gerat toy storage for the kids that come over right there.

yes yes yes...its really coming together...still need some other rooms to make progress and at some point there will be a lot of painting ...but im happy for now...and it would seem i have quite the new journey ahead of me with me starting work in a preschool in a few weeks so im glad that the house is at least situated.

what do you do

when everything is perfect but even scrimping there wont be enough money?
its amazing...
ive been looking for years for this oppurtunity.
Its a great school with a lot of room for advancment and not to far from home.
its the position ive always wanted to start in
its full time
the style of the school is similar to mine
the people there all seem really great and like they love what they do

but it would mean leaving a job that really cant be beat
a job that the pay is truely insane
that i like the family
that the hours are super flexbile
i get tons of free time to get to know people, to volunteer to settle into my house,
to deal with my puppy that needs some extra time to adjust.

but the bottom line is...
even with scrimping and no saving
Im $10 a month short.

While $10 isnt much its short of the ABSOLUTE minimum i need to live.

so without finding a way to make money from home...
I feel like i just can't accept my dream job....

self motivation...

i have none of it...
some people will tell you i do.
but I truely have none..
I do what has to be done, and what other people want done..
but when it comes to just doing something because I want to or just because..
there is absolutely no motivation...
I have said for years that i want to get back in shape
I have done nothing.
I was literally drug to the gym a few times, but i wont do anything...
I really do want to get back in shape, i hate not working out.
but unless I have a team to be in shape for, it just doesnt' seem possible.
I keep saying I want to put together all my lesson plans for preschool and have a curriculum ready if the day ever comes that im a teacher, but they have all been sitting there for at least 2 years and im just not motivated to do anything with them....
i only train my dog when i know there is a class that i want her to be the best in.
i really only do what is required or what other people want me to do...
so my question is....
How do I become more self motivated?

this could be dangerous...

me voluntering at an animal shelter.
Last night i went to the required orientation which seemed like a waste of time to me.
but none the less now I can show up whenver Im bored and do what needs to be done, this means greeting people as they come in, cleaning cages, palying with the dogs, doing office filing/copying ect. anything that needs to be done. and apparently there is a good chance of being hired after becoming a good volunteer.
The dangerous part however is me playing with all these amazing dogs and puppies that need a home. I tend to get attached...but I am trying to wait until Mac is at least one year old. so hopefully I can stick to that..
but i also have this list of reasons in my head of why one dog is plenty...at least for now.
in the future when we have our ranch i will probably have more than one dog...but they will be trained dogs that have acres to run on and are outside most of the time and and and...
so for now....having one dog means a walk every day, lots of play time, lots of eating, lots of work training her to not jump, be nice to other dogs, to listen, to come, to stay ect...and more importantly it means she comes with me to races once a month...which if there were 2 dogs would be very interesting....races are kinda hard with one dog right now seeing as how we have no motor home or anything like that...so for now one dog.
and keeping me from adopting more dogs from the shelter...but hopefully still enjoying helping out there, playing with dogs, learning some things, and meeting some new people out this way....

what comes from bordem...

so...i have an amazing job.

but i also make a full time salary working at most part time...

so i have a lot of free time, and i don't do sitting well...

i can sit for a while but at some point i almost literally go insane...

so ive been trying to come up with something to do with all my free time...

my house has stayed pretty clean, my dog has gotten multiple walks a day, way to much shopping has been done, a lot of time has been spent online doing pointless things, but still i was completely bored....

so i was trying to find something i could make and sell, or a place to volunteer...

since volunteering is not going well at the moment i decided to make something...then it came to me...

Dog Bandana's...

i want to make them for mac anyway and have made a few for her already and they are super simple and quick...

so while home to see my parents and go to a few church things i stopped by a huge and more importantly cheap fabric store....my mom and i dug for about 2 hours and found some good stuff.

it wasn't the greatest prints but this is a trial thing for now so i wanted cheap but still nice...

so we bought 15 different birght colored patterns and then I was going to make bandana's and list them either on amazon, or etsy, or ebay or whereever....well i looked into all those places and decided to see what happened it i just put them on craigslist...

so i posted yesturday and within a few hours i had 6 bandana's ordered...

its not much, but i figure for a few hours and the fact that criagslist isn't exactly where people are looking it was pretty good...so in the near future i will probably venture to ebay or amazon or etsy....

so for now i figure its just an adventure...but it could be a way to "volunteer" by giving my profits to an animal shelter or something like that, or if i ever need extra cash it could help with that as well...

so that is my new adventure to fill up my free time....

MAC

so how about a puppy update?
there is not near as much to tell as there should be because i am majorly slacking with the whole training and socializing and fun stuff...
but we go for walks just about every day( minus rain and working 12 hours days). and she is finally getting way better about pulling, it was hard because they say stop so the dog learns they won't get anywhere if they pull, well i stopped she came back and sat next to me, they say turn around so they see they won't get where they want to go, the problem was she didn't seem to be trying to get anywhere, except occasionally home. but now about 90% of the time there is no pulling which is amazing and should mean that if we keep it up all will be well by the time she is full grown and i won't be able to hold her if she pulled.
she has not been to training classes, but i need to suck it up and get on that....but she does know how to wait at doors and for her food, she sits, and shakes and lays down, she will leave it sometimes, and she will drop her toys so i don't have to play tug-o-war to get them and throw them. i know its way less than she should know but like i said im slacking, so i will try and get better and increase her vocabulary. she does know how to watch out when on a walk thanks to a few walks with little kids in strollers and being run into a few times( she learned very quickly what watch out meant.
she eats a ton, other people say she is getting bigger but i don't notice it. she likes people and will go up to most people that want to pet her, she jumps a lot on new people which we work on when possible. she has gone to a race, lots of petsmarts and petcos, downtown temecula, a few farmers markets, and lots and lots of car rides and walks...
overall she is still a good dog. we had a brief issue with a neighbor saying she barked all day and all night, but i bought a bark collar and it seems so far that in one day that sovled the whole problem, i still put it on her when im not home but when im home she no longer makes a peep. and she is getting better about growling and barking and all at other dogs, still a big work in progress though.
currently she is passed out on the floor by my feet, a normal occurance when im home.
i have to say minus the licking im pretty attached.