Newly Married

so I got married almost 2 months ago....its been good. sort of still the same normal. but whats funny to me is somehow the title of marriage has clearly made us both think about each other more.....there seems to be an almost constant check and balance between both of us, is this okay, is that okay. its been funny because really nothing has changed. we still live together like we always have.
its been fun. the honeymoon was amazingly fun and so many experiences happened.  it been great. the wedding was fun and simple and not stressful. we both made it through. there are some amazingly special pictures that capture certain moments of the day that i will always love.

so its been fun....married life is good. im a little crazy. life is definately crazy and still extra busy. its been fun. cant wait for more to happen.

this is my attempt at getting back in to blogging a bit to remember married life.

maybe I am not meant to teach...

well....lets recap my teaching history....i went on many interviews and did not get offered a job. i went on an interview and did a trial and got compliments and was offered a job, then went to sign the official paperwork and got demoted to a substitute, then somehow the next day i was no longer going to be working at that school ever....then a few weeks later i got offered a teaching job...i took the job and did it for a year and it was quite a roller coaster....then i got "fired" or "quit" or whatever the heck happened i left the preschool. then i got offered a new teaching job with seemingly endless possibilities, i was considering teaching three year olds and was excited about kindergarden prospects...but then only 2 weeks into it, i find out the center i am working at is closing.

so the bottom line is....am i really supposed to be teaching preschool?

i am really at a lose....i love teaching, i love the preschool age...i love nanny work,i love the personal relationships.........

preschool has a lot of limitations of what i love doing with kids,the risks of parents getting mad are great and therefore i end up holding back a lot of what i would love to be doing with these kids....

.....i am still in shock over what has happened at this new center....everyone around me is incredibly angry and working on things to take from the center and things to do in their new jobs and new places to work.....i am really in shock, i am indifferent...i dont feel it is my place to take things, it is not my place to be angry or to pretend to know anything about the company or what is going on......but i am somehow involved....

i hear vague talks of a church preschool opening close to home that could be an amazing option.....a director of a decent center that screwed me once seems interested in hiring us......i may be able to go to a different center of this chain.......or do i go to orange county and deal with the drive.....or do i go to nanny work again.....

AM I SUPPOSED TO BE TEACHING?????

such a long time and such a long way...

so my last post was about a very long veryunhappy week...i would unfortunately like to report that that week turned into a very long and unhappy month...but on the plus side of that after that month some important things were said and sincethen things have been truely amazing.

i had dealt with a lot in that month and it gave me a lot of perspective which made the conversation with Adam at that time "easy". but that conversation with him apparently made him realize for once that I was truely serious because since then has he ever been amaizng!!!!! it did take me time to trust it all again and be truely safe and happy with it all again but I am there and then some today. he has been amaznig, he comes over a lot nw, he has done things with my family at least monthly since then(its not intentionally monthly it has just worked out that way). him and I have been seriously spectaculr. and these last few weeks some serious talks of thefuture have happened.
also since that aweful week I graduated with my bachelors degree in early childhood education from Ashford university. that was a nice accomplishment whether i currently find it vluable or not.
I also have gone from the newbie at work to the seniority at work. i have also gone from wondering if this is what i should be doing to knowing i should be doing it but also sure that this is not the place for me to succeed and excel. but for now it seems to be where i need to stay. I have also found 2 mentors and friends at work which has been truely spectacular on so many levels for my life.
I have also gone from a psycho dog from miles away to a dog that can nicely walk just across the street from dogs who are barking and growling at her. we also go to the beach EVERY time we are in orange county and she absolutely loves it and even plays with the other dogs. so my puppy is making great srides and just recently was great at a "big" party in my parents backyard complete wih her, food, a new born, other kids, lots of people, and a bounce house. so she has been wonderful.
also, since that month I made the decison to play soccer again. i joined 2 coworkers and played in an adult female league for a season. while it was nice to touch the ball again and nice to get back in a smigen better shape, i still had a lot of time in my head about the game, i did not like the atmosphere of the team( people not showing up, no one cared, not many good people, nosportsmanship etc). so i did not play another season and im not sure i will go back,but it was a nice experience for me to know i can do it again.
so over the last almost year things have changed, things have been hard, things have been wonderful and i have done so much thinking about my life and the people and things in it that it has been a lot. but i think all the hardships are somewhere close to coming to an end.

what a week...

it has been a week i would like to never repeat, and wish i could forget most of it as well.
if you know me, you know i don't give many people chances, and i do not forget/let go of anything.
so this week will be a hard one to get over but im sure i will.
it started with one of the most important people to me not being the best he could be, causing a lot of pain to me and more importantly disappointing me by not being there when i needed him.
then you added in 3 teachers being bit, a nap only one day, 2 nap times with no less than 40 minutes of crying, being told this is not the career for me, there will alwasy be kids this aweful and this may.
and that was just the tip of the ice burg that led to some aweful nights and a VERY unbelievably long week.
it also led me to thoughts of my life and realizing how much i miss some friends that i never really thought i would miss, so i want to find some ways to see them more and have some fun and let off some steam and lose some sleep. also, missing some amazing kids and their parents a lot because they were so beyond so many of the kids i have now and yet they were younger, and with everything going so poorly just wondering if i should have gone with them,or at least continued on the nanny path...i still miss the nanny life a lot but i think this is a better place for me to be longterm. i still really want to be inoregon for so many reasons...but again, long term this is better.
however, after many tears, a great deal of anger, and a lot of time thinking....i think school has been fixed after a long chat with the director, i think things are okay with the one important to me, i think i have some fun things to do with friends im missing, and that only leaves orgeon, which will alwasy been a dream vacation, maybe it will happen soon.but unlikely as it is, at least i can keep in touch and watch some videos and dream of a vacation if time and money ever permit in the near future.

school

this is Vinnie...he is my new little buddy at school. While Ihave plenty of other kids that are super cute, or that I just happen to have a huge soft spot for....I have to say, Vinnie is my favorite. He came just for the summer or that was the plan, but thankfully his parents have decided that he is going to stay. I am so excited. He is just an awesome little guy and he always comes up to say hi and make me smile after a kid has issues.
the rest of the class is going well also, and this picture is from one of the many fun things we have done iwth them. we love shaving cream and water , so we like to combine them and save ourselves a little bit of work by letting the kids clean the chairs.

these are my little monsters. I found a picture of them online and I thought they were adorable. They sadly did not come out as well as I would have liked but they are still very very cute.

we are doing a literature based curriculum this year at school and each teacher gets one book per month to write the lesson plan on. One of my books was "there was an old monster" so in my hunt for fun things to do I found these guys and I thought they would be very fun to play with.

so much else going on, with friends, adam, school, my school, the house, family and just fun fun fun but that is all for now.

its good to be loved

lately I have been getting a lot of special treatment....
cable...for free
a ride home after dropping my car off
an afternoon full of manual labor relocating rocks
and a yummy and very special dinner

Guess who made me chicken and BLUE potatoes?

yes they really were blue, they looked to me liek homemade playdough but they were mighty tasty.

and here are how the rocks got moved....well maybe only one load was moved this way but i love the guys who did the rock moving because all on their own they brought the toy dump trucks outside and put them in place "moving" the rocks.

life...work...life

things have been so incredibly amazing lately...
there has been so much going on, soem good some bad some just stuff.

I finally started the job of my dreams and while there have been bad days, long days, hard days, and amazingly great days...it is AMAZING. there have been bites, bumps on heads, tears, talking back for sure. but there has also been an incredibly happy to see my kid every day after nap, a hug from half my class at least every morning i get to work, me being the special person in one kids life ( he and I have something and it makes everyone pretty happy), learning new things to do with kids, planning a whole day by myself with kids and it going amazing, watching them progress even in just a month, and taking some cute pictures of some of the fun we have had it has simply been incredible.
then there has been some time with family. holidays, gifts, gatherings where everyone actually showed up. finding out a younger cousin was pregnant, a grandma fracturing her foot, a grandpa in and out of the hospital with a stroke and many other issues, a brother who is simply put him and yet making some little progress in growing up, some time with an older cousin doing long awaited plans, time catching up drinking beer and somehow not playing pool. it has been good, learning about family and keeping up with the ones im closest to.
then there's friends. they kinda go hand in hand with family to me but still there is just something different there that I have a hard time accepting...they all really do want me to be around and enjoy me for me and I have a HARD time realizing that. but we have had fun, meeting new puppies, seeing new rental houses, my first game of beer pong, some texts to make some random plans, going ot rodeos, simply talking to people has just been amazing. things with a special someone have been rocky and yet great at the same time, I still have my issues but this weekend was super special and awesome to me in its own way of simple communication.
I have to say life has been a lot of emotions lately but its been incredible for me to watch it all come together....house, job, friends, family, puppy, goals, dreams,....it has all simply been INCREDIBLE!!
I can't wait to see what is to come.